Gender Bias Default

Table of Contents

 Gender Bias: A Default Setting?

I tuned into a radio show yesterday, and this particular episode was especially interesting. I’m not sure what the segment is called, but it’s one where the host shares a scenario someone is going through and asks listeners to weigh in with advice. The story went like this:

A man living abroad with his wife was building a house in Nigeria, their home country. The wife offered to support the project financially, but the husband refused, insisting that the house was his alone. In response, the wife decided to build her own house, and she actually completed it before her husband finished his. During their holiday in Nigeria, she informed him about her house, and he didn’t take it well. While she and her family stayed in her home during the holiday, the husband refused to, and even after they returned abroad, he was still not speaking to her. The wife then reached out to the show, asking for advice on what to do.

As I listened to the callers’ responses, I noticed something interesting. Around 90% of them were defending their own gender. Women who called in said the wife had done nothing wrong and had every right to own her own property. Meanwhile, the men mostly argued that she should have informed her husband and was in the wrong for not doing so. Some were more cautious, acknowledging that they were only hearing one side of the story and that there could be underlying issues.

I didn’t get to call in, but my first thought was that the man’s reaction was insecure, petty, and jealous. It’s one thing to feel a certain way about your wife’s decision, but another to hold a grudge over something that was, in a way, triggered by his own refusal. His response seemed like a red flag to me. But then I caught myself—was I also reacting from a place of bias?

As I kept reflecting on the story and the responses, something clicked: None of us were actually answering the woman’s question. She wasn’t asking who was right or wrong—she was asking for a solution to her dilemma. Yet, most callers (myself included, in my mind) were quick to pick a side rather than focus on the real issue.

That’s when it hit me—maybe we all have a subconscious inbuilt gender bias. A default setting that makes us instinctively defend our own gender, especially when we don’t have the full picture. It’s almost like a default setting, shaped by personal experiences, societal norms, and even subconscious loyalty to "our own." We’re wired to sympathize with those who share our experiences and perspectives, even when objectivity demands that we take a step back.

This raises a bigger question: How do we train ourselves to step outside of gender loyalty and approach issues with fairness? Because if we don’t, we’ll keep forming opinions, giving advice, and making decisions based on bias rather than truth.

At the end of the day, recognizing this bias is the first step. But what’s the way out? We need to consciously detach ourselves from our personal affiliations and examine situations from an outsider’s point of view—without the automatic urge to defend “our side.” Only then can we see clearly and judge fairly.

Now that we know we have a tendency to be gender-blind, let's all practice with the radio story—how would you advise the woman objectively? I'd love to hear what you think.